Finding grace in the void
Listening into the silence.
Hey!
It’s been more than a couple of weeks since I promised ‘a couple of weeks off’ before I came back with a smorgasbord of smashingness.
Seth Godin recently said,
‘I think authenticity is for friends and consistency is for professionals.’
Well… friends…
the truth is, I don’t have a neat answer for you as to why I haven’t consistently posted since August.
I just stopped. And so did my creativity.
The void
The very thing that had been my security blanket - my creative voice - just… went mute.
And, you see, that’s not the place I write from; the void.
Without my poetic voice, rhythm and wonder, I was left with a sense that I could not put words to.
I met a profound sense of hopelessness that felt so other-worldy, and yet so utterly familiar.
For hopelessness has not been an unfamiliar feeling to me; but to stay with it, rather than buoy myself up on a lifeboat of lyrical charms, felt daunting.
The last time I wrote about hopelessness was pretty cerebral.
It’s time to move to our soft underbellies.
The space for grace
When we give ourselves permission to feel and courageously stay with the what is, is this not us giving ourselves grace?
If we dare to say to ourselves about whatever we are feeling:
Yes
and
Tell me more. I am here. I am listening.
Without rushing to fix it; to think our way out, distract ourselves with optimism or busy ourselves with solutions.
Isn’t there something profoundly consoling about witnessing, acknowledging and validating this part of us?
Something so loving, to stay and have faith that by giving it our presence we may learn more. To understand ourselves on a new level of acceptance.
“Curiosity is vital. It’s what allows us to risk. When we’re full of fear, we’re living in a past that already happened, or a future that hasn’t arrived. When we’re curious, we’re here in the present, eager to discover what’s going to happen next.”
Edith Eger
For me, this process took a few weeks of sitting, EFT tapping, reflecting and hopelessing.
Weeks.
It was absolutely vital to acknowledge that hopelessness, even though it was grim and, to be honest, quite boring.
I have left many relationships behind, for which I can feel such grief, but by sitting with this hopelessness I realised that I had left those relationships only when they had felt hopeless.
I have felt guilty, inadequate and ashamed for leaving those relationships at times, but by sitting with my hopelessness in the recent months, something shifted. The hopelessness gradually dissolved into a deep appreciation of myself for having the courage to live by my values, even when it feels deeply uncomfortable.
Does this sound familiar?
Then may I suggest:
Sitting with the discomfort: Instead of rushing to fix or flee from difficult emotions, try staying present with them, breathing through them and noticing where they reside in your body.
Practicing curiosity: Use curiosity to stay present rather than dwelling in past or future fears to understand the texture of your experience
Trying Emotional Freedom Technique: Use EFT tapping to process and stay with challenging feelings.
Acknowledging your values: Noticing when your discomfort might actually be signalling alignment with your deeper values that require you to make some tough decisions.
If this resonates with you, then I’d like to offer you a poem I wrote after this experience.
Just wait until you meet hopelessness.
No, I promise it’s not a threat.
You just don’t know her beauty
Because you haven’t met her yet.
Yes, I know that she’s your acquaintance,
But you always run away.
Instead I’d invite you
To see what happens when you stay.
You think she’d drag you down and
Anchor you to the floor;
That you’d never rise again.
A thought, I know, that you abhor,
But look closer at her face now.
See what messages she brings.
Beneath her fear you try to flee
She carries a pair of wings.
For when you get to know her,
Really look her in the eye,
She’ll show you what to let go of
To allow yourself to fly
Those things that you’re so sure of,
That you think will always stay the same,
She’ll show you that through surrender
You can learn to use your pain.
An Invitation:
Would you like to explore these feelings together? I'm creating a space where we can gather virtually every other week to sit with our emotions - not to fix them, but to understand them. A place where we can share our stories, bring our questions, and discover what our difficult feelings might be trying to tell us.
Because maybe what we all need isn't permission to feel - it's the courage to feel, and to feel together.
And finally!
I have also created a new section here on Substack called I’m FINE! (Families In Need of Encouragement) to complement my online programme and community for those affected by a loved one’s addiction.
This is specifically for posts on addiction and recovery and the impact on family members.
If you would like to read this section too then please click here your.substack.com/account and then scroll down to the notifications section and click on the toggle to switch that section ‘on’, as below.
That’s it for now!
‘Til next time,
Jacky ✨