Wherever you go, there you are...

Jul 18, 2025

∙ Paid

I saw a sign the other day. It said 'Family holidays: Paying premium prices to argue in exotic locations.' It made me chuckle, because it's so often true, isn't it?

This can be our experience of going on holiday with family.

gif of couple with text saying it's been a real fun family project. Not really

And yet, it is not the 'ideal' that we are presented with. You know, those adverts on tv where a 'middle aged mum' is frolicking around in the sea without a jiggle or a wiggle and the kids aren't hangry but are instead actually LAUGHING together and the dad is present and not scrolling on his phone, trying to get the latest sport results.

Or maybe it's you scrolling, on social media looking at all your hashtag blessed friends in their far flung locations whilst you're in a static caravan shielding from the thunderstorm outside.

Or you feel like retreating right now from a world that is so full on, not just because of the normal Summer bloom (if you're in the Northern Hemisphere), but because of all of the conflict going on in the world.

six silhouette of people jumping during sunrise — Photo by Timon Studler on Unsplash

These picture-perfect portrayals can trigger something in us, and regardless of our current situation, we may find that shoulds pile up in our minds like a row of dominoes.

I should feel ok about my body in this body positive age.
We should be playing cards together at the dinner table.
I should be enjoying myself with everyone
I shouldn't be enjoying myself with everything that is going on in the world.
They shouldn't have spoken to that person like that
They should be enjoying themselves
They should be able to play together without squabbling
I should play with my kids instead of reading my book.
I shouldn't eat a second ice cream today.
I should/ should not have a partner/child/mortgage/degree/written a book/beach ready body/passport/life vision by now.

Ah, the midyear - a time for reflection.

picture of man clapping with caption summer should be fun

Crikey, we take respite to feel rejuvenated, but it can be EXHAUSTING if we have all of this mental chatter going on.

There's a saying in recovery

'Wherever, I go, there I am.'

It's a precursor to the idea of 'Doing a geographical'. This is the idea that moving to a new location will help to solve your problems; that rather than doing work on resolving any inner conflict, the sense of dis-ease is blamed upon the environment.

In fact, 'doing a geographical' often makes things worse because there is a lack of familiarity and routine which can feel more dysregulating, not less, and so one reaches for those substances or behaviours that help to soothe.

Yet. environment DOES play a part, not all our conflict is internal. Being in close proximity to those we 'should' get on with because they're faaaaaamleeeee, is a surefire way for those old resentments you thought you had sequestered in your 20 year old year book to bubble up to the surface.

We can feel under fire from what is going on inside of ur AND outside of us.

Whatever our situation, poetry, can come to our rescue.

A place where we can pause and document the 'as is' rather than the 'if only'. For it is only when we recognise the 'as is' in its full complexity without a whiff of 'if only'; only when we meet our situation with total acceptance that we may be able to muster the momentum to move through it to something new.

In the words of Alanis Morisette, how ironic.

I'd like to share with you two poems that I wrote during the Summer holidays.

A few years ago I took one of my kids and his friend to Legoland. It turned out that his friend was afraid of all the rides and didn't want to go on anything: