The secret to happiness
What makes you happy?
When you sit and think about it for a few minutes, material possessions are likely to fall by the wayside.
Sure, they can bring you pleasure... but make you happy?
Has your mind now gone to ‘What is happiness, anyway?’ (which is, by the way, the feeling of the week.)
Is it a trait: ‘I’m a happy kind of person’, or a state, ‘When I sit with my face in the sun, I feel happy.’
What if you are not a ‘the-sun-will-come-out-tomorrow’ kind of person? What if you are more
than

Did you know that, whilst about 50% of our cheerfulness is hereditary, you can raise your cheery disposition through intentional action?
I had a real life example of this recently. My son is about to do his GCSEs and, for a few reasons, we agreed that he would not have his mobile phone at all for the time being, as he revised and focussed on his studies.
I mentioned this to a few friends recently. One said, 'Oh my God, my kid would never go for a punishment like that.'
Here's the thing, it wasn't a punishment.
After speaking through the impact that it was having on his life (distraction, staying up late, dishonest behaviour) we agreed that abstention (for now) was the best way for him to take good care of himself.
We took intentional action.
Now, to be fair, you could fit a whole Ted Talk in amongst the "We took intentional action".
I have used the 'Is that taking good care of yourself?' question since they were a young age.
'Don't want to brush your teeth - is that taking good care of yourself?'
'Don't want to go to bed - is that taking good care of yourself?'
Honestly, I'm a laugh a minute...
I've been using that line since their little teeth buds burst forth in anticipation of the age that they are now.
I play the long game...
16 years of preparation and BINGO, the 'is that taking good care of yourself' line is paying dividends.
Because installing an attitude of taking good care of yourself from a young age helps the inner motivation to do what is healthy for oneself.
The fallout?
We see more of him.
He's cracking more jokes.
Hell, he even went on a bike ride the other day and came back to tell me he had forgotten how much he enjoyed riding his bike.
Has he received questions and challenges from his mates?
Sure has; to which he has simply shared that he wants to take better care of himself.
Sometimes, when we are intentional about what makes us happy, it goes against the grain.
The key to changing our state of happiness.
Engagement is crucial to changing our state of happiness. When we are engaged and highly focused in something we enjoy we are more likely to be in a state of flow.
This is why I like writing poetry so much. Not only can it help the hesitant heartfelt find a place to nestle, it can also be used to play, to bring you into a state of flow, of happiness.
Imagine
Imagine a land all in rhyme.
Wouldn’t that just be so fine?
You could ski for free with a cup of tea
And play all day in a glistening bay.
There’d be fun in the sun and games to be won.
We’d bake a cake and swim in a lake.
The trees could sneeze gently in the breeze!
A pig in a wig could be dancing a jig.
It’d be silly and frilly,
Happy and free.
Hilarious, gregarious,
A world full of glee…
But there’d be no oranges.
Using our imagination to create happiness is a lot more satisfying than using it for worry.
I don’t know about you, but I have to actively work at this, because I am a worrier by nature. Most of the time what I worry about is greatly out of my control, but what is in my control is being mindful about using my imagination for good.
Here’s some ideas of how you can use your imagination to help you feel happier.
Write a letter of gratitude to yourself for getting through a particularly hard time. What can you tell yourself about what you admired? How can you congratulate yourself for the effort that you put in, the perseverance, to get through that?
Do the 'Three Good Things' exercise: every day, for a week, write down three things that went well and provide an explanation for why they went well. Treat this exercise with respect; what I mean by that is, give each event a title, write down exactly what happened in as much detail as possible (what you were wearing, who was with you, how you felt). Document how this event made you feel at the time and how it made you feel later. Explain what you think was the reason for this event - what caused it?
Think of an issue or a decision that is bothering you - rate it on a worry scale of 1 to 10 and note the score on a piece of paper. Select three pieces of music of very different styles from mellow to lively e.g. baroque, jazz instrumentals, heavy rock.
Play the first piece of music whilst thinking about your issue and then rate your thoughts on a scale of 1-10, now how you now see the issue and feel about it.
Do the same with the second piece of music.
Do the same with the third piece of music.
Then reflect on how this has shifted your thinking.
When you wake up each morning, think intentionally about how you want to feel for the day. When I have done this, I am always surprised at how often comfy clothes make an appearance! Turns out happiness is the sense of comfort from a pair of bed socks and elasticated waist…
Imagine your ideal self in the future, achieving everything that you have ever wanted. Imagine who you are surrounded by and the kind of conversations you are having. What are you wearing? How are you feeling? Write it all down. Now spend some time thinking about what you need to achieve that - what is within your control to change today?
Can I just say, I dislike that last one - find it very tricky - but it's rated highly as one of the most successful interventions for happiness from the Positive Psychology movement, so I felt compelled to include it to avoid personal bias!
Do you fancy using any of those hacks? If so, let me know how you get on!
That's it for now,
'Til next time,
Jacky x