The Foundation of Recovery: Relearning to Trust Ourselves
Reconnecting with your inner compass
This week I welcomed another cohort of Feeling Freedom. What is essential in the early stages establishing safety in the group - the expectations, confidentiality, and how we navigate sharing our experiences, including the inevitable tensions that arise in any group setting.
Beneath these practical considerations lies something fundamental: self-trust. While we frequently discuss self-compassion and self-care in recovery spaces, I believe that both of these practices stem from our ability to trust ourselves.
Reconnecting with your inner compass
Do you trust your instincts, your gut reactions?
Many of us learned early to disconnect from our inner knowing. Perhaps you were told to finish food when already full, or made to wear extra layers when you weren't cold. These may seem like small adaptations, but over time, they accumulate into a pattern of doubting our own experience.
And we live in a world which increasingly encourages to NOT trust our own senses.
Want to know what the weather is like? Don’t look out the window, check your phone app!
Want to know how well you slept? Don’t tune in to how rested you feel, check your watch.
Want to know what to have for dinner? Don’t trust your tastebuds, make sure you have fasted for 18 hours and have 30g protein along with 30g fibre and at least 30 vegetables during the week.
Want to have a new experience? Don’t walk outside your front door, slap on your VR goggles and trek up Kilimajaro!
The encouragement to delegate our trust is everywhere.
And that is dangerous.
Self-trust begins with tuning into our physical sensations.
That churning in your stomach? It might be signalling discomfort or disagreement. The tightness in your throat? Perhaps it's holding back words that need to be expressed.
When we've spent years disconnected from these signals, we can't expect immediate clarity. Instead of frustration, approach these sensations with curiosity. As you sit with them, notice their qualities - their colour, texture, how they shift and change. Just as with any language, you’ll need to spend time getting familiar with the vocabulary of your experience before you become fluent.
The mirror
How can I trust you?
You shook me to the core.
You ignored my cries for help.
You laughed when I felt sore.
How can I trust you?
You don’t look me in the eye.
You cover up what you really feel.
Each time you speak: you lie!
How can I trust you?
I told you my deepest fears,
But you dressed them up in fantasy.
You ignored my bewildered tears.
How can I trust you?
You excuse away my pain.
Tell me that I invited it,
Imply that I’m insane.
Yet as I stand before you,
Our mouths synchronised in time
Your betrayals are so familiar,
For the face I see… is mine.
Building your trust toolkit
Understanding our trust issues is vital, but equally important are the practical tools to act in trustworthy ways towards ourselves. Here are some common ways that lack of self-trust can show up.
Struggling with setting and maintaining boundaries, like continuing to answer work emails during rest time
Finding it difficult to regulate intense emotions, leading to impulsive decisions
Unable to communicate your needs clearly rather than hoping others will read your mind
Seeking excessive external validation when making decisions
Not maintaining commitments to ourselves with the same dedication we show to others
The journey to self-trust isn't linear. It requires patience and practice as we develop new patterns of relating to ourselves. Each small step towards trusting our experience builds a stronger foundation for recovery.
What aspects of self-trust do you find most challenging? How might you develop a more trusting relationship with yourself?
For my paid subscribers, here’s some self reflection prompts and an EFT tapping video to help you develop more self-trust.
That’s it for now,
‘Til next time!
Jacky ✨
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