The Belonging Problem

Hey, this week I’m sending out a few additional emails on themes from Liz Gilbert’s book All The Way To The River; her book on recovery from sex and love addiction.

ICYMI, I’m a therapist who specialises in addiction (and have specifically worked with many people dealing with their, or their loved one’s sex addiction), so this is a subject close to my heart.

Before I dig into that, quick commercial break:

Following my debut collection “Stop the World I Want to Get Off,” which was shortlisted for an Independent Authors Award, I’m bringing back to Dorking my therapeutic wisdom and laugh-out-loud poetry that meets you exactly where you are - wobbling through modern life. I mean, I’m not alone with the wobble, right?!

Tell your friends, bring your neighbours and invite the in-laws!

25th October, 7:30pm
Ballroom at Pippbrook House, RH4 1SH
Tickets: £17 | Seniors 65+: £14.50
Running time: 1 hour 30 mins (including interval)

Book tickets here

If you’ve ever felt like you don’t quite belong, this evening is for you!

Aaaaand we’re back…

Liz details going to 12 step meetings and recognising how she can claim ‘I belong here.’ A deep sense of not belonging can be a core feature in addiction and codependency. Some of the narrative about this in addiction circles can be ‘Hey-ho, that’s just the way the disease of addiction affects us’, with a good dollop of ‘Our culture surely wouldn’t have us any other way other than scrabbling to fit in.’

Yet if that was in the nature of addicts, how would anyone feel like they belong often enough for long enough to recover by going to meetings?

It’s not written in the stars

Those dealing with addiction and codependency (I prefer the term relational trauma) never developed a secure relationship with themselves. Instead of learning healthy emotional regulation in childhood, they learned to look outside themselves for soothing - whether through substances, behaviours, or other people.

The good news is, this can change!