I wrote this one day after reading a front page of a woman’s magazine.
Younger and
Longer and
Beautiful and
Perfect and
Absolute and
Perfect and
Perfect and…
It’s just one page
In a magazine.
Just one page.
It just struck me that, whatever shape or size you were, all of the messages on this single page in the magazine were selling the same thing: dissatisfaction. It was full of messages promising to make us less ‘us’ so that we could be ‘more’ - more desirable, influential or powerful. The what doesn’t really matter, it’s just about making sure you want to be ‘different from where you are now’.
It’s an impossible goal because the ideal changes. Of course, ‘perfect’ is always something other than what you are. Even if you do manage to stick to a weight loss plan, the majority of people struggle to keep it off, thanks to their biology.
We live in what has been termed as an ‘obesogenic society’, one which encourages increased consumption and lack of movement, thanks to labour saving devices.
Diets promote a scarcity mentality. You are not enough, you need to eat less or differently, you can’t do it by yourself.
So food diets don’t get my vote, but like I said, I’m not talking about food.
I’m talking about information.
I have been feeling overwhelmed with information for a few years now. Ever since, in fact, I started on social media.
We live in a time where information is constantly being fed to us. Whether it is your watch telling you how many steps you have walked, or your phone pinging that your delivery is on its way or social media telling you that you received one more like.
Flick on any form of media and within a minute you will receive a plethora of information to process, concerning situations out of your control and causes that you need to worry about and donate to. NOT that all of that is not important or worthy, but it just puts us into a fight/flight/freeze state which doesn’t help us actually make significant progress in any one area.
The word for information overload is ‘infoxication’. We are bombarded with information telling us: ‘You are not doing enough, so do more; you need to contribute more or differently. If you want to be more desirable, influential, powerful as a business then your business needs to be different from what it is now’:
Get more followers by buying this plan on how to improve engagement!
Sign up to this plan to improve your SEO so that more people know about your business!
Rebrand yourself to be aligned with your values!
It’s ALL possible for ALL businesses to be ideal with the right effort and social media engagement formula.
More more more, do do do! It’s just the other side of the same coin. A coin to the sound of $221.9 billion, which is what the social media market is worth.
Feeling stressed? Yes, me too. Here is a picture of an inlet in Ireland to give you a break before we move on.
Yet, we wonder why we are feeling agitated and distracted. The poet and psychologist Sarah Ahsan has written a really interesting article on this.
And I have walked an unsteady tightrope in this arena. For years I wasn’t on social media, but then did research into social media addiction which necessitated me to be on it. Oh the irony! Slowly but surely my attachment increased: Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, LinkedIn, all with a promise of more validation thanks to the instant gratification of that little like button, but then I’d also go and delete the app again to break the habit. It was a bit like…
Look at me!
Don’t look at me!
Now you see me,
Now you don’t.
Now you see me,
Now you won’t.
Nothing to see
And all on show.
Wherever did my
Boundaries go?
*****
My boundaries:
Financial: “I’ll just buy this advertised course which is going to help me improve my…”
Relational: “I’ll just watch this funny reel first before I see what my son needs.”
Social: “I’ll just show everyone my front porch decoration, oops, now they know my address.”
Time: “I just don’t know where the last half an hour went whilst I was looking at my phone.”
By the end it I felt like I was at the all-you-can-eat buffet, unable to stop gorging, and feeling both sick and not quite full enough at the same time.
To me, all these signs are ones of social media addiction, reminiscent of what we see with any kind of addiction. In substance addictions like drugs and alcohol the answer is clear: abstinence.
Work, food, sex and even media are different. We need to set ourselves bottom lines around these because abstinence isn’t a contender. So we need to change our relationship with it and we can do that by drawing up some bottom lines.
A bottom line is something that we need to avoid in order to live a healthy, fulfilling life. These can be personal for each person. Some typical bottom lines around social media and info influx may be:
Keeping your phone out of your room at night.
Only subscribe to an email if you unsubscribe from something else.
Don’t check social media before you have tended to your basic needs in the morning (loo, shower, dress, food).
Don’t follow accounts which leave you feeling anxious or depleted.
Don Grant is a great person to listen to about this. He teaches healthy device management and the practice of good digital citizenship. In fact he likens social media to junk food and encourages us to limit it accordingly.
ANYWAY that is a very long winded way of saying that I have walked away from the buffet and whilst I am still salivating looking through the window, as it were, (how far can I extend this metaphor exactly?!). I’m already feeling better; less overwhelmed and agitated and more engaged with the difference I want to make in the world.
I am going to take time to work out a healthy relationship with social media and am currently not posting with regularity there: no pink dot to give me dopamine hit, no endless scrolling updates similar to the one armed bandit style we see in casinos, no powerful intermittent reinforcement with the delivery of likes or shares to give me JUST ONE MORE HIIIIIIIIIIIT.
Ok, ok, I may be evangelising in my pink cloud state so I’ll take it one day at a time… And I know, many people gain a lot from social media; it has great communities on there and it’s certainly where I came across many of the guests on my podcast, but I recognise that I’m in danger of being in a ‘too much is not enough’ kind of place and need to adjust accordingly.
And now I feel a bit stuck. I want to share my thoughts and work with the world, but not one in which the parameters keep changing, so that I can ensure people hear from me.
So I’m going to try out things over here on Substack. I’m naturally a writer, but I can also add my podcasts here and record videos, but in a place that feels less exposed, less frenetic and more cosy. I’d love to build a community here for those of you who resonate with what I write. I know I should have ‘what I am about’ summarised into a two sentence elevator pitch, but maybe you could help me out with that?!
So, I’m launching a paid subscription on Substack. Here is my plan:
Free subscription: Happy days, hear from me once a month, general chit chat, observational humour and a poem popped in for good measure.
Monthly subscription: As above PLUS a weekly ‘feelings school’ email.
If you’re a Brené Brown fan this is especially for you. I’m taking a feeling a week and go into it in more detail, with a poem attached.
Also, a monthly ‘Sunday Shelfie’ which is my round up of book recommendations in my eclectic poetry/therapy style.
Annual subscriptions: As per monthly subscriptions, just cheaper.
Founding member: As per monthly, plus a signed copy of my poetry collection ‘Stop the world I want to get off: words for when you want to leave the planet but don’t have billions to build a rocket.’
I’d love to hear what you think.
The first emails will go out in January.
Meanwhile, enjoy the festivities that this time of year brings and I hope to catch up with you soon.
That’s it for now, ‘til next time.
Jacky x